I always think that once I write a task on my list, it’s no longer sitting in my mental load. And yes, I’m that person who thinks of about 35 things I need to do and then jots them down right before I fall asleep. And that does help. But the reality is that until I actually mark that sucker off as DONE, I don’t feel any true relief.

Even with what feels like plenty of motivation to knock out the mundane tasks, I still just don’t do it. Why would I when there’s so much other work to be done and fun to be had?

Enter: a glorious (I kid you not) life admin day.

This isn’t a novel concept, and everyone’s version looks different or goes by a different name. For me, it changes depending on the season I’m in. For a while, it was a life admin block where I’d commit to knocking out just one task before diving into deep work. For another season, I’d take an entire day off and devote it to crushing the whole list. Currently, it’s a mix, because my schedule is pretty flexible and I don’t work Fridays (I know, pure shenanigans).

My method

1. I block my calendar and throw elbows. This keeps me from getting distracted by other “more pressing” tasks (when dentist has been on your list for three months, laundry is not, in fact, the most pressing matter).

2. I use generative AI to organize my day. I know, I know, there’s a push for more analog living and AI is supposedly going to replace us all. Spoiler alert: I do AI research as my job, and sci-fi becoming reality is still a long way off. AI is, however, an excellent tool when used wisely. No, it can’t do my laundry (bummer), but it can help me organize my day and create a realistic game plan. It could probably schedule my dental appointment too… but I’m not quite ready to trust it that much yet 🤣

3. I do the thing. Once I’ve got my handy dandy AI-generated gameplan, it’s go time.

What this looks like in action

Let’s take today as an example. I’m not working, I want some time for myself, and I want to knock a few things out. I also want this to be low-pressure and I want to feel okay if I don’t get everything done, aka: zero over-scheduling and lots of grace.

So, I blocked my day, chatted with generative AI, and now I’m sitting at a coffee shop doing the thing ☕

I’m going to share a small portion of my chat, but you can see the full deal here. Even with your best, most detailed starting prompt, expect a little back and forth like adding tasks, clarifying logistics like distances, and making sure the day is actually realistic and achievable.

The feels:

• I’m about thirty minutes into my coffee shop work block, and I can already breathe easier. I’ve committed to getting my ish done, and it feels great.

• AI built the plan, which means it includes way more buffer than I ever would have given myself (read: all the coffee and snacks).

• By the end of today, I will tangibly feel the cleared mental space. Oh, and that feeling when you check off a to do item. Yes please!

• And of course, I’ll now get to shift from putting off scheduling my dental appointment to dreading it 🤣😬

Okay, but can we make it social?

I read an article the other day about someone hosting a life admin party. I KNOW. It immediately brought to mind a regular text one of my Colorado besties and I used to send each other: wanna go to a coffee shop and ignore each other?

We don’t have to adult alone. We all have mundane tasks to get done. Rather than seeking accountability solely from a robot, how about we use it to build our schedules and then team up to knock things out together?

Quiet productivity. Shared space. Making it happen.

Who’s ready for a little life admin coffee date? ☕️

Reading: Once Upon a Wardrobe by Patti Callahan.

This one is a sweet read so far. A terminally ill boy asks his logic-driven sister to find out where Narnia came from directly from CS Lewis, an instructor at her college. As an engineer, so many quotes have challenged me already, and I’m only halfway through!

Reason is how we get to the truth, but imagination is how we find meaning.

[A good story] takes us out of ourselves and lets us view reality from new angles. It expands our awareness of the world.

Listening to: Band of Horses.

I was listening to Noah Kahan like all the cool kids and realized he sometimes gives Band of Horses vibes. The Funeral, No One’s Gonna Love You, and Is There a Ghost are currently on repeat.

Loving: Lunchtime yoga class.

Need I say more?

Thanks for showing up, reading along, and allowing me to overshare my way through work, life, and the in-between. If you’d like to support my time, energy, and heart that go into Coffee&, here are a few easy ways to do so:

• Like this post by tapping the heart at the top of this post.

• Share your thoughts by commenting on this post or replying via email. This lets me know I'm not just speaking into the abyss 🤣

• Share Coffee& a Weekly(ish) Newsletter with your favorite multipassionate, ambitious, and overcaffeinated friend.

Share Coffee& a Weekly(ish) Newsletter

Want more? Grab a cozy bevvie and dive into more Coffee& content here ☕✨

Something I learned a few years ago is that just because you can give more doesn’t mean you should give more. As a very Type A human, I come back to this more often than I’d like to admit and as I kick off 2026, well… I’m back here again.

Generally speaking, I land in this space about work more so than real life. For whatever reason, I can fully recognize my personal limits and know when to say no or lean on others or quite frankly when to just let some adulting slide 🤣 But with work? NOPE.

A therapist once gave me this analogy: you have ten apples. Someone pays you for two. Do you give them two, or all ten?

I have a lot of energy that I could give to my job, but my team and my job description only ask for (read: pays me for) a portion of that. Do I give my job what it asks of me or everything I have?

This is where I tend toward burnout. Not because more is required from me, but because I offer it anyway without clear benefit to anyone. And choosing not to do that? Well my friends, I’m choosing to believe that this is quite the power move.

As I begin 2026, I’m giving my job what it asks of me (and maybe a tiny bit more because I can’t entirely shake the Type A) and I’m going to do it damn well. With the energy I keep for myself, I’m skipping rigid resolutions and trying a few things without metrics, pressure, or expectations:

• more mid-day outside time

• more yoga

• more writing

• more work from coffee shop mornings

Or at least… that’s what I’ll try for this week 😉

To say the transition has been easy would actually be kind of accurate. But recently, I told someone that while I’m glad we’re in Orlando, I miss my life in Colorado. My job was the best. I had my own friends, Jared had his own friends, we had our family friends, and we made the most of living in the snow and mountains. Sledding, snowboarding, snow hikes, stunning summer hikes with 0 percent humidity… we really loved it. But we trusted our guts and said it was time to head back East, so… what gives?

Then I went back to Colorado for a visit. It was a gorgeous Tuesday with a crystal clear view of Pikes Peak. I was working at my favorite coffee shop with the perfect double espresso. I was with my people again! I was all in my feels and called Jared (who was holding down the fort at home) and again articulating that I miss my life in Colorado.

And then, the next day happened. AKA a foot of snow. By noon, I was losing it.

I was staying with close friends whose kids most definitely manifested the snow day. I eventually made my way into the living room where they were enjoying Christmas movies and demanded “that’s it! we are going outside!” After thirty minutes of gearing up all seven of us, we finally bombed a tiny hill on a sled a few times then headed back in.

For the record, it was SO fun and absolutely the right call, but it also reminded me that I do not operate well without daily time outdoors. DAILY. That’s not exactly a trivial thing during CO winter which BTW lasts like 8 months. It takes intention and it’s WORTH IT, but it’s also a lot.

Basically, the universe said, “Kaitlin, do not do anything irrational like move back to Colorado.” ☃️

This morning (back in Orlando), our little family of four (Roxy included of course) walked down to a nearby (unfrozen) lake, surrounded by (green) trees and (I kid you not blooming) flowers. IN 70 DEGREES! We probably still haven’t found “our life” here in Orlando. But as Jared reminded me, it took six to eight months to find it in Colorado too.

For now, I suppose I’ll just have to sit confidently in the fact that at the very least… we’re in the right climate. 🤣

The Briar Club1 by Kate Quinn follows women co-living in a 1950s boarding house in Washington DC. Just like today, first impressions do not even begin to convey the complexity of each woman and what she is going through. And just like today, each woman faces challenges and cultural expectations based on their gender (among other things). The real power of this book though is that despite these women being so different and knowing so little about one another, they show up anyway.

If only that were like today.

Current day echo chambers versus The Briar Club

Life is easier when we do life within a community of people that think exactly as we do. Without talking about politics (for real), let’s use politics as an example. Regardless of political party, I think we can all agree that the other side has it all wrong.

I say that tongue in cheek, but if we are all really honest with ourselves, it’s hard to have a conversation based on politics, parenting styles, or financial choices with someone that does it differently. And you know what? I think that’s okay. It’s when we choose to sit with that discomfort and truly hear one another that we grow.

In The Briar Club, somehow Grace with her sun tea (which I'm about to start brewing in this FL summer ☀️) brings an entire house of entirely unique people together. After years of the other six women just passing one another in the hallways and arguing over the bathroom, they start taking turns cooking for one another and sneaking men over every Thursday night while the cranky landlady is out. It’s during these dinners that you get to see how drastically different the women are. Do they always agree and get along with ease? NOPE. And that’s the beauty of it: they still show up.

Finding common ground amidst our differences

On the surface, we all check certain boxes (note that this is def not an exhaustive list): democrat or republican, children or no children, married or single, working mom or SAHM, straight or LGBTQ, Christian or Muslim or Jewish or Atheist, young adult or middle age or senior. At the heart of it all though is that we are all human and going through some freaking stuff.

In The Briar Club, you get each woman’s POV as you move closer in time to the murder introduced on page one. You have Grace, who is an absolute mystery but manages to somehow make the boarding house a home through her Briar Club dinners. Then you have six others:

• A mom to a toddler, overwhelmed with feelings I think every mom must feel at some point in their parenting journey: pure exhaustion and extreme self-doubt.

• An immigrant who fled communist rule in search of freedom, only to be met with suspicion and prejudice over where she came from.

• A former star of the women’s pro baseball league looking to find her new place in the world without her beloved game as the war ends and the league comes to a close (def my fave character of course 🥎).

• A daughter of a conservative (but crooked) police family that’s fallen in love with a gangster while trying desperately to chart a different path for her life as a career woman.

• A hustler desperately reaching for financial stability and entangled in an affair that puts her own future and her lover’s life in danger.

• An unlikeable husband-hunter bitterly confused as to how everyone else manages to find the life she dreams of living.

This story is set in the 1950s. These challenges are certainly relatable now, but likely much more difficult to navigate seven decades ago. Seems like these women could use some support, buuuuut they also seem to have about zero things in common. Oh, how much easier it would be for them to just stay in their separate lanes with their heads down to get through their own struggles.

Instead, they seem to recognize that they are all just women trying to make it in a world that feels like it’s out to get them in so many different and unfair ways. They’re all just humans trying to survive their own unique circumstances. Now that is the kind of common ground I’m here for. Those real, in the thick of it, vulnerable connections are where we build meaningful and lasting friendships.

Through regular dinners, the Briar Club ladies begin to band together. They babysit for the exhausted mom so she can catch her breath. They push back against bias and injustice in the spaces they occupy. They protect one another from abuse in the ways they can. They share information and open doors to help each other land the jobs they dream of. And then of course there's the murder (no spoilers here though 🤗). Despite their differences, these seven women see one another, hear one another, and show up for one another.

I repeat: If only that were like today.

Let’s be Each Other’s Briar Club

So many of us believe we are already someone’s Briar Club, and we probably are! But let’s be real: we can all always do better. We can resist judgment when someone’s path looks different. We can celebrate choices we wouldn’t make ourselves. We can recognize the strength in diversity of thought and experience.

While I admittedly feel most comfortable around people who align with me on all the things, I intentionally seek out friendships with people on different paths than mine. I regularly check myself to ensure my friend group hasn’t become an echo chamber and when it has, I adjust. And let me tell you, it’s worth it.

I am personally better for having friends that have chosen to not have kids. I am better for having friends that stay at home with their kiddos. I am better for having friends that don’t parent in the same way as I do. I am better for having friends whose political views and religious affiliations are different than mine. However, I am only better because we have vulnerable conversations on these hard topics. I am imperfect in these interactions, but I grow every time I have them.

Caveat: I only participate in these honest discussions when it feels safe to do so. I don’t always get a non-judgmental vibe from people and sometimes I myself am not in a space to withhold judgement. In those instances, I choose to remain guarded and steer clear of certain topics. But when the right conversations happen, it’s magical. I feel supported and empowered and I learn so much about the world that I never would have had I remained in my nice, tidy little echo chamber.

So, what if we built more communities like The Briar Club: messy, imperfect, full of wildly different women who refuse to let their differences stop them from showing up for one another? I like the sound of that, don’t you?

Next time you meet a woman whose lived experiences and choices are wildly different from yours, consider that maybe she could be your next BFF! After all, you don’t have to live her life to have her back ✨

Work-life balance? Nah, I don’t buy it.

Our lives are constantly evolving - and honestly, how cool is that? And as these demands in our jobs and our lives evolve, so can our choices.

Work-life choices? Now that’s something I can buy into.

Let’s talk about the beauty of choice. Today, women (and yes, men!) have the choice to be all-in career, all-in parent, or a combination of the two. Women (and yes, men!) have the choice to work an intense job or a more laid-back job. We all have the ability to make these trades for ourselves and our families, and our choice doesn’t have to be the choice for life. If we are brave enough, we can choose over and over and over again based on the seasons we are in.

The Grind, Part 1.

After I completed grad school (which in itself was all-in career) I chose to compete for a leadership role at work which I knew would be all-in career. I was leading a team of fifteen people and managing well over 30 projects. I had an amazing boss that was making big changes in our organization, and I was excited to do that with her. Under her leadership, I was ready to tackle the challenge of revamping the portfolio of work the team had been doing to streamline our efforts and align the outputs with customer needs.

Getting buy-in from team members, coworkers, and leadership can be tough when you’re doing a full revamp. A lot of people don’t like change. A lot of people don’t appreciate accountability. A few people get loud about not liking change or accountability, and those few people can make your life very, very miserable.

My boss saw that despite those challenges, I was capable and ready to take on more. And so I did - all in the name of making our team and organization “better” and of course, my own career development. I was being groomed as a rising leader. I was supporting each team member on their efforts with individual biweekly calls. I remained responsible for the advocacy and success of our 30+ projects (with the help of my team of course). I took on additional administrative roles, led the design of a new building for several teams, and became the sole project manager for the highest dollar program in our organization.

It felt good to feel like I was making a difference, and my efforts did not go unnoticed. I received the Civilian of the Year Award at a high level. Oh… and did I mention that I took close to three months of maternity leave that same year? Oh… and did I also mention that was 2020?

Work-life balance? LOL NO.

I was pregnant for the first time. My hormones told me it was a good idea to get a puppy. That puppy was an absolute terror. I then I gave birth and my body took a major hit. And then I had a newborn. And then I was back to work, hot potato-ing said newborn with my partner that was also full time with a start-up company because childcare wasn’t a thing in 2020. I had doctor appointments. My kid had doctor appointments. Did I already say our puppy was a terror? Oh, and the sleep regressions! ☠️☠️☠️

But wow, the joy. On a personal level, we experienced so much freaking joy in that season.

On a professional level, I hit burnout.

I’m not sure one can fully appreciate what burnout is until they hit that rock bottom feel of knowing you cannot keep going. After my PhD, which was funded by a department of defense (DoD) scholarship, I owed the DoD four years of work. I was nearing that four-year mark when I had my biweekly check-in with one of my more challenging team members and essentially caught him in a lie by omission. I found out that he - along with six of my trusted colleagues - had orchestrated his involvement in a program that I had explicitly asked him to stay out of. His workload was already high, and our revamped portfolio was now targeting entirely different priorities.

Now, this is kind of a BFD on its own in my humble opinion. But when you’re doing too much for too long in all aspects of your life, something sets you off.

I - freaking - lost - it.

My empathetic spouse (Jared) sat patiently with me as I had a full-blown mental breakdown. After about half an hour of bouncing between yelling and hyperventilating and weeping, he calmly asked, “do you know what today’s date is?”

It was exactly four years after I had completed my PhD. I could leave the DoD without financial consequence, and I was ready to make that choice.

The Step-Back.

You may have deduced that no, I did not actually leave the DoD - but hear me out!

Within a week, I let my amazing boss know that I had made the choice to step away from leading the team I had poured myself into for the past three years. I spent a month thoughtfully transitioning my workload to someone else who, I might add, only stayed in that leadership role for four months (which later felt like all the validation I needed). And I leaned hard on my mentors - my personal “board of directors”1 if you will, for guidance on what to do next.

When you’re in burnout, it’s probably not a great idea to be making drastic life changes on your own - in fact, there are a lot of articles, books, and podcasts that point to that (here’s one to send you down this rabbit hole).

After talking to my people, I chose to take on a new DoD role in an entirely new organization doing entirely new things without leading a single person. I started therapy. We enrolled our now toddler into full-time daycare (seriously, daycare teachers are saints and I love all of you). And I chose to put myself first as I navigated my way out of burnout.

Now, this didn’t mean I had to quit my job or quit parenting. But I made my work-life choices so that I could prioritize my mental health in that season, however long it would last. I actively worked in therapy to learn how to not give all of myself to my job. Just because I could do more, didn’t mean I had to do more. I started focusing on healing my postpartum body. And I made a conscious effort to feel zero guilt when I took leave to get a five-hour haircut while my child was in daycare 👑

Bonus: I really enjoyed my new job! I threw some elbows and stayed away from leading people. I got to work on some really cool, cutting-edge technology. I loved my new boss. I loved my new coworkers. I still exceeded expectations while setting boundaries on the time and energy I devoted to work.

How? Well… I think you get to that point of burnout that you know if you don’t do something, you’re not going to make it. For real. My boss pitched the idea of my leading a few folks on the team. My response? Absolutely not. I told him I’m all for doing what’s best for the team, but me in a leadership role right now is not that. He saw my value and heard my please and said, “okay let’s do something different then.” I wanted to see my kid off to daycare and I wanted time with him and my spouse before his early bedtime, so I (admittedly boldly) ensured that my boss knew I was getting more than my fair share of sh*t done at work and as a result, did my hours really matter?

This was a sweet season of rest while still doing great things in my career and family - it just looked different than before and I felt good for the first time in literal years. But the all-in career itch crept back in. I wanted a new challenge, and so I found one.

The Grind, Part 2.

When you are invited to be a visiting scholar at the elite Air Force Academy to teach cadets Electrical and Computer Engineering, you say yes. You take the risk, you uproot your family, and you dive right the eff in (more on that here).

I think the beauty of having hit burnout so hard was that I never wanted to go back there again. But I also wanted to crush it in this new role. I made the choice to go all in, but this time with awareness and the ability to confidently set boundaries.

I’ve talked about how intense my time at USAFA was in previous posts, so I won’t go into that again. What I will go into though are the choices my spouse and I made together to deal with that intensity now that we were a family of four (yes, I count my dog).

We aren’t going to play and say “we split all things 50/50” - that’s about as unrealistic as work-life balance. What we actually do is what is necessary to keep the house running, keep our kiddo and doggo healthy, and keep our careers on track. That looks different for both of us across seasons.

In The Grind, Part 1 season, we were in full-on survival mode. It was chaos and we both just did what it took to stay afloat. If everyone was fed and we weren’t getting fired and the house was still standing, we called it a win. There was no organization. We couldn’t see the floors. We were a hot mess. I think this season - while joyful on so many levels - was not one that we would choose to relive ☠️

In The Step-back season, I made the choice to take on more household and life admin duties. Jared chose to level up in his responsibilities at the start-up company. I chose to dial it back at work. We both chose to set aside a few hours in the evenings to be together as a family. We chose to share daycare drop-off and pick-up. We made these choices together, and it was a great season for our family.

In my first two semesters at USAFA, well… I chose to do exactly zero household duties, opted out of daycare drop-off and pick-up, and literally just showed up where Jared told me to for social engagements. I chose to go all in on my role as an instructor and mentor at the Academy. Jared had settled into his role at the startup and chose to take on all the household and life admin stuff for us. We made these choices together, and it was also a great season for our family.

Then my final two semesters at USAFA came. I had settled into my role and chose to take some of the life admin stuff off of Jared’s plate so that he could step out and start his own business. He made the choice to put a lot of effort into that while still maintaining many household and life admin duties. We made these choices together, and it was also a great season for our family.

Real Talk.

Did I ever have work-life balance in any of these seasons? Short answer: no. But we did what was best for us and I had peace once Jared and I started working together to make work-life choices amidst the ever-evolving demands of our lives and careers.

Work-life balance is bullcrap. Work-life choices are the real deal.

Life and careers evolve. The demands of each change over time and that change is not linear. We all have the ability to make choices to find what works best for us alone. That best is not perfection - it’s whatever we decide we need for ourselves and our people. But we have to be bold enough to say, “this isn’t working, and I need a change” and then make the choice to change.

Huge caveat: partnering with the right person makes meeting these evolving demands possible (for both of you). This requires an immense amount of mutual respect for one another. This also requires an appreciation for all roles and responsibilities across life, home, and career. You can’t think taking care of dinner is less meaningful that delivering a big presentation or vice versa. You can’t compare your current workload and life load to your partners. You both have to buy in to the idea that all of it matters and you’re a team. Neither person can be “above” any task. And then you have to find ways to communicate when the partnership roles need to be adjusted (preferably before you lose it 😁).

Work with me to normalize choices, seasons, trade-offs, and genuine teamwork.

The WTF.

So… did you catch that my time at USAFA ended? Did I tell you I currently do not have a job? Did I tell you that we are relocating to Orlando but don’t have a house in which to relocate? Did I tell you this also means we don’t have childcare?

The work-life choices we made and re-made in Colorado are officially out the freaking window! Our partnership rhythm has been thrown into disarray - and you know what?? That’s okay. We are in another cycle of re-choosing, together.

Whatever season you’re in, make your choices with confidence and be ready to make new ones when life and work shift again. Friend, you’ve got this ✨

What I don’t necessarily have the impulse to do - but what I’m most definitely doing - is looking for a new job 🤯 Back in January, I said that my time at USAFA was coming to an end soon and that I needed to figure out what was next. Well, we are officially here! I’ve made the decision to leave the DoD civilian world. I always knew I wanted to at some point, but now I’ve actually taken the leap by putting my name in for the Deferred Resignation Program. If all goes according to plan, I’ll be employed by the government until the end of September, but I can accept and start a job elsewhere before then.

The timeline to apply for the resignation program was tight - Google it, there was some drama. But I thrive under deadlines, so I immediately dove into our finances and retirement details to figure out if leaving the government was truly the right call. Sure, if I stayed in until retirement age (62), I’d make bookoodles more (very technical term) in retirement. But that’s 25 years away, and I need to prove to myself that I can do the thing outside of the government. Especially with all the recent headlines about government civilians not working hard and wasting taxpayer dollars - it’s tough to hear that narrative when I know it’s not true for myself or my colleagues. But honestly, that’s not even a factor. I’ve always wanted to challenge myself outside my comfort zone, and now I’m actually doing it. No turning back ✨

Next up…?

I spent a lot of December reflecting on what truly feels right. Where do I feel at ease? Where do I see my family spending the next few years? We kept feeling drawn toward the Southeast, and after talking it over with Jared, we decided - back to Florida we go! We want to be within a weekend drive of our families and our condo in Destin, but we’d also love a walkable city with bookstores, coffee shops, great food, artist markets, sporting events, and live music. That’s leading us toward a bigger city with Orlando currently being at the top of our list. But if you know of other spots that check these boxes, please share!

As for work? TBD. Right now, my to-do list includes:

• Apply to AI/ML jobs. I’ve revamped my resume and written a gazillion cover letters, applying to artificial intelligence and machine learning jobs - mostly remote, to keep our location flexible. I lean toward health tech, where I could analyze data to inform lifestyle decisions, but ultimately, I just want to be challenged and work on something totally different from what I’ve been doing.

• Start an EdTech company heyooo! Turns out, I’m great at building classroom demos, course websites, and hands-on coursework for higher ed. This is happening, and I’ll share more soon because building a company from the ground up is bound to be an adventure.

• Tap into my network. This is the fun but terrifying part. We all have friends and colleagues we’d recommend for a job in a heartbeat, but it’s very different to be on the other side asking for referrals. Time to set those fears aside and start having conversations. I know they’ll be worth it, but more importantly I know it’ll be fun to catch up with everyone.

The feels

My friend asked me how I felt about sending my resignation email a month ago. Here’s my response:

I feel nervous about the unknown - I've only ever worked in government. I feel stoked to try something new. I feel relieved to have made a decision. And I feel proud of myself for taking this risk.

That all still stands. But I also really enjoy my current job. Working at USAFA has been an experience that far exceeded any of my wildest expectations. My coworkers are brilliant, dedicated people who care deeply about the cadets. And the cadets? They’re so fun - teaching and mentoring them has truly been a privilege I do not take lightly. Not only that, but they come hang out in my office between classes, drink coffee with me, and make sure I stay up to date on trendy phrases (apparently slay is out?). Needless to say, leaving will be tough.

At the end of the day though, this move feels right.

As I said in January: it’s time to embrace the uncertainty, trust my intuition, and move forward with the same courage that brought me here in the first place. And that’s exactly what I’m doing.

I’m an engineer. I love data. I trust science, education, and training. But when I was pregnant, I found myself in a situation where data, logic, and expert advice weren’t enough. My doctors - professionals I had trusted implicitly for 33 years - insisted I be induced at 41 weeks. The data, however, said that first-time moms on average give birth at 41 weeks and 1 day. Both sources of guidance were valid. So, what does a 40-week-pregnant, hormonal, first-time mom do when faced with conflicting advice?

I made the decision to decline induction when the scheduled day arrived. It wasn’t easy. I received judgment from medical practitioners and others because intuition is often undervalued when pitted against educated opinions. But I could feel it. I knew my body was preparing for labor even though cervical checks “said otherwise”. And sure enough, on the very day I predicted, labor began. And when did I give birth? 41 weeks and 1 freaking day.

I am woman. Hear me roar.

Is feminine intuition a thing?

As a woman in a male-dominated field, I’ve often felt the need to minimize the fact that I’m female—despite it being entirely obvious. I’ve intentionally avoided stepping into roles traditionally assigned to women, like taking meeting notes, planning social events, or bringing baked goods to the office. These roles, while valuable, are often seen as domestic or administrative and not typically associated with career advancement.

Subscribe now

But as I reflect, I wonder: is there something uniquely feminine about intuition? And what if, instead of shying away from it, we leaned into that femininity in our careers?

Let’s reframe intuition

Intuition isn’t exclusive to women or to mothers. But my experience with pregnancy helped me sharpen and trust my intuition in a way I hadn’t before. It’s no surprise that women often speak about intuition in the context of motherhood and unfortunately, motherhood is a realm many easily dismiss as emotional or irrational. And when we bring that same intuition into the workplace, it’s often seen as unscientific, illogical, or crunchy. But science tells us otherwise.123

In our careers, intuition isn’t just valuable, it’s transformative. It enables us to make decisions that are not only informed by logic and data but also attuned to the human element. People who listen to their inner voice are often more adaptable, empathetic, and authentic. They are better able to navigate uncertainty and connect with their colleagues in meaningful ways.

For me, leaning into intuition has allowed me to carve out a professional style that is uniquely mine. It’s taught me that authenticity - being true to my instincts and experiences - is a strength, not a weakness. And it’s this authenticity that I believe can help women in STEM build the kind of professionalism that not only breaks stereotypes but redefines them.

Now, let’s embrace intuition

All of this sounds great, but how?

Years ago, my sister-in-law gave me this advice, and it’s been my guiding principle ever since. Even when a choice feels scary or uncertain, there’s often a quiet sense of peace that comes with knowing it’s the right one. Intuition doesn’t speak in grand gestures, or at least not for me. It’s more like a subtle feeling that lingers and won’t leave. Honoring that feeling is about trusting yourself completely, even when others don’t understand or agree.

When we moved to Colorado, I was absolutely terrified to make such a big location and professional change. But despite my fears, there was a quiet peace that told me it was the right decision. That same peace guided me through declining induction during my pregnancy. Both decisions were daunting, but they felt right at a deeper level and in hindsight, I have no regrets about following my peace.

Subscribe now

Intuition has also shaped my professional style. For example, last semester I realized I had been too hard on some of my cadets in a group setting. My gut told me I’d crossed a line, so during the next class, I apologized to the entire group so that even those I hadn’t singled out could see that I recognized the way I’d spoken wasn’t acceptable. Some might see this as a weakness, but it actually strengthened our group dynamics and improved our productivity. By trusting my gut and addressing the issue directly with humility, I built mutual respect within the team which made us stronger overall.

Does this all still sound a bit too crunchy? Maybe. But here’s the thing: no decision is ever truly permanent. Sometimes your gut tells you to take a leap, even when everything else screams that you’ve lost your mind.

During my pregnancy, I knew that if I felt I’d made the wrong call, I could show up at the hospital at any point and say, “It’s go time.” If the move to Colorado hadn’t worked out, I could have found my way back to Florida. Even with my cadets, if I’d decided an apology wasn’t the right move, I could have adjusted the conversation or chosen a different approach (or just taken the apology back entirely - though I’m sure that would’ve done wonders for team dynamics 😜).

Seriously though, knowing I can pivot gives me the freedom to go all in and trust my intuition fully.

Let’s go!

Intuition isn’t a replacement for logic or data - it’s a tool that works alongside them. It’s the culmination of our experiences, knowledge, and instincts. Leaning into it isn’t a sign of weakness or impulsivity - it’s a sign of strength and self-trust.

Subscribe now

For women in STEM, intuition can feel at odds with the structures we’ve been taught to navigate. But here’s the truth: you don’t need to mold yourself to fit those structures. Your unique perspective, instincts, and experiences are just as valuable as your resume. By trusting your intuition and excelling in doing so, you’re breaking and (more importantly) redefining gender stereotypes.

Start small. The next time you’re faced with a decision, pause and quietly consider your options. Does one path feel lighter, calmer, or more aligned with who you are? Follow that peace. And if the idea of trusting your intuition still feels too risky or crunchy, remember that no decision is ever set in stone. Knowing you have the freedom to pivot can give you the confidence to trust your gut.

What would happen if you gave yourself permission to trust your instincts fully?

What growth is waiting for you should you just take the leap?

How hard would it really be to change course?

This year, let’s lean hard into intuition, not just in our most personal choices but also in our careers. Let’s all be exactly where we should be, and let’s build a more empathetic and authentic workforce of strong teams filled with mutual respect.

Please share your stories of how trusting your gut has shaped your path. Let’s inspire each other to embrace our intuition and build paths that are uniquely ours.

Leave a comment

In 2022, I made a decision that, while terrifying, felt deeply necessary: I moved across the country to Colorado to teach undergraduate students at the United States Air Force Academy. It wasn’t a leap of faith so much as a choice driven by intuition—something deep inside told me this was the right move for both my personal and professional growth.

Subscribe now

I’m not someone who takes risks lightly, and this wasn’t a decision I made on a whim. It was a calculated, deliberate step out of my comfort zone. I knew that leaving my established role as a DoD civilian to teach for the first time would challenge me in ways I’d never experienced before. And challenge me it did!

In my three semesters, I have taught topics that I just barely learned fifteen years ago in undergrad and haven’t touched since, and quite well if I do say so myself 😁 There may have been a lot of in-class googling with students, but we made it happen! In doing so, I showed myself that I can truly learn just about anything, and I showed my students that their leaders won’t always have the answers and that’s okay. I have also listened to cadet constructive (read: critical) feedback and made significant changes to the way I taught courses, even if it meant crazy working hours. In doing so, I showed myself that acting on feedback is a sign of strength, not weakness, and I showed them that leaders can embrace the perspectives of those they lead to foster better working environments for everyone.

Although I know these actions meaningfully impacted my students and me, just being a female instructor in this space carried its own significance. In my nine years of ECE schooling, I never had a female engineering professor. Standing in front of my cadets, I was proud to be the representation I had once needed. It was a reminder to them - and to myself - that we are ALL capable of hard things. Oh, and that technical leaders won’t always look a certain way 💁‍♀️

With my tenure at the Academy coming to a close in June 2025, I’m faced with a big question: what comes next? Should I return to the DoD civilian world I know so well? Explore academia further? Leave DoD work entirely? Or chart a new path by starting my own company?

If my time at the Academy has taught me anything, it's that growth often requires us to sit with discomfort. As I move into 2025 and my final semester at USAFA, I’m choosing to embrace the uncertainty, trust my intuition, and move forward with the same courage that brought me here. And if you’ve got any ideas for me or anyone you’d like to connect me with for job opportunities, let me know 😉 But seriously 😁

Let’s go 2025! Here’s to calculated risks, transformative experiences, and the possibilities of what’s to come.

It’s interesting, this need to pause specifically in this season. Turns out, there’s a name for it: the October Theory. If you search it, you’ll find that a lot of posts focus on feeling a sense of urgency as the year ends to set new, SMART goals (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-bound) which gives nothing but New Year’s Resolution vibes. Maybe there’s a time and place for that (opinions for another day), but I’ve gotta tell you, that’s definitely not my jam in this cozy season.

This month, I’ve personally been feeling a pull toward assessing my habits, routines, and mindset. I want to feel good as I close out this year and enter into a new one, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I want to be present and soak it all in. I want to do more of the things that bring me peace and give me energy. And I want to recognize that all of this is fluid - there’s no pressure to hold onto any of the cozy shifts I might make.

My October reflections

1. Workday grind. As of April, I was working every night and weekend to stay on top of work. Now I barely breathe during the workday, but I also rarely work evenings and hardly think about work on the weekends. I count this a win, but I intend to let go of some perfection and be okay with just okay performance for my sanity and well-being.

2. Yoga. Seriously, yoga feels like home to me. When I go to a studio yoga class, the immense joy I feel is mind-blowing every time. I want more of that. I need more of that. I don’t want to stress over attending a certain number of classes each week, but instead I want to pay close attention to my moods. When I start to feel a little down regardless of reason, I’m scheduling a class.

3. Weekend adventures. Lately, we’ve been taking little day trips to nearby CO towns. We’ve chased fall colors, hit up random little coffee shops, and seen some incredible CO landmarks. More of these low-pressure adventures are on the list. If we wake up and feel like exploring, off we shall go. Otherwise, coffee and puzzles at home it is.

4. Letting my kid be four. Now that our child can communicate with words (and eye-rolling) so well, it can be difficult to remember that he’s only four. This is a time for him to be free and express himself and push boundaries (as infuriating as that may be) in a safe space. My intention is to let go of my own expectations and (try to) simply explore the world with him (while convincing him rolling your eyes at mom is not cool).

5. This. If we are talking about things that give me energy, it’s writing to you and hearing your thoughts in return. It’s chatting with friends through important topics on a podcast. I’d like to do more of that when the creativity hits. I am so thankful to you for allowing me a space to share and for sharing in return. I hope this space brings you the energy that it brings me ✨

Three days left

What routines are working for you, bringing you peace, filling you with energy? What thoughts are holding you back? What would you like to do more of? What small adjustments can you make to feel good?

As we close out October, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this cozy version of the October Theory. Will you sit in this season with me and dream up low-pressure shifts and intentions?

Leave a comment

When we departed for our trip, I loaded up gear to do all sorts of things with the intent to be in your inbox on the reg. Yet here we are, two weeks after having returned from our trip and just now opening said bag of Coffee& gear. Trust me, I want to be consistently here because I recognize the value in that, but I also want every post to reflect how excited I am to share all the things with you. I’m finally feeling that fire again, so let’s chat about a little something something, shall we??

Women earn 50% of STEM bachelor’s degrees and make up 29% of the STEM workforce

Wait, what?? I know, right! While this data was pulled from 2019, it hasn’t changed that much. Read it again: women only make up 29% of the STEM workforce after having earned 50% of the STEM degrees. If we look even closer at my discipline (engineering), women earn 20.9% of engineering degrees (still a devastatingly low number) and then only rock 15.6% of the workforce. The stats are even lower for women of color across STEM fields. Where do all of these badass women go?

Why we leave

First of all, don’t even come at me with “they all stay at home with their kids”, because while that holds true for many women (I love the fact that we all have that choice), it’s not all women. And not to mention, the decision to stay at home with your kiddos isn’t always as straight forward as “this is exactly what I’ve always wanted to do.” Cue diving into fascinating rabbit holes like the leaky pipeline and maternal wall.

Now for the sake of this post, let’s assume that some of these STEM degree-earning women are still in the workforce, but they’re choosing non-STEM career paths. Which begs the question: why are women leaving STEM?

There’s data on data on data out there and it’s quite frankly overwhelming (and often conflicting). Therefore, I’m going to share the reasons I’ve personally contemplated being done with STEM. These are my experiences alone, so for those of you that have also contemplated bailing on STEM, please add to this convo in the comments 👇

Leave a comment

Sexism. Yep, I said it. It’s real and it weighs on you. It’s blatant and subtle. Either way, it’s hurtful, it gets in your head, and it’s toxic. And so there comes a point where you break and finally say, “I’m done” and seek out a better culture that might not be in STEM and there is nothing wrong with that. I’ve certainly sought out better cultures, they’ve just happened to still be in STEM jobs - but I’ve also most certainly considered just being done with STEM because it just shouldn’t be this hard.

Rigid 9 to 5s. I recognize this isn’t every STEM job ever, but the ones I’m most familiar with are 40-hour AIS (ass in seat) jobs. Meanwhile, your girl has an almost-four-year-old, a spouse, a dog, and other interests I’d love to put my time toward while working a product-driven job (read: I’d like to work my butt off to get my ish done efficiently and then say byeeee 👋). This is why I regularly return to the dream of starting my own biz that may or may not be STEM-centric.

Lack of Representation. I pursued eight years of Electrical and Computer Engineering studies (bachelor’s, master’s, and PhD). Over the course of those eight years, I took something like 40 engineering classes. Of those 40ish classes, I had exactly ZERO female instructors. I was always one of few women in my classes and I really only knew one real-life engineer: my dad (for which I am beyond thankful). But there’s something to be said for feeling like you belong, and that’s not always a given when no one around you looks at all like you.

Bad educational experiences. Maybe this falls under sexism, but I think this deserves its own call-out because I think we all know one teacher can change the trajectory of your life. I’ve shared it before and I’ll share it again because 🤯: In my first engineering class ever, my instructor proclaimed loud and clear that “women don’t make good engineers because they have babies.” I even had another instructor assume I was cheating off my male counterparts when my work looked similar to theirs (and never the other way around). To be very clear, I worked hard to earn my grades outright and I have a baby and I am a GREAT engineer - so all the middle fingers your way, sirs 😇

DEI training. I know this sounds SO backwards, especially because I could not be a bigger supporter of DEI initiatives. But let me just tell you, when you’re in mandatory training with your colleagues that absolutely do not want to be there and they let you know all the reasons diversity is crap, it starts to eat away at your soul.

Why we stay

Well, that was depressing! So now let’s chat about why I am personally still working in the field of STEM after fifteen years of all of the reasons to maybe not.

STEM is fun. I kid you not! I love solving problems and there are so many to tackle. For me, there’s nothing more satisfying than beating my head against a wall to then find the solution and feel that win. Is this healthy? No idea, but I love it.

I can do anything. My career field offers a broad range of opportunities. In my fifteen years of work, I’ve performed research from brain-inspired computing to machine learning (read AI) to celestial-aided navigation, I’ve led a team of researchers, I’ve served as a technical lead on a billion-dollar program (yep), and I’ve taught at an undergraduate institution. The coolest news though? The opportunities don’t 👏 stop 👏 there 👏

I am the representation. As mentioned, I have the pleasure of teaching undergraduate students. Zero students going through our institution (while I’m there at least) will be able to say, “I had exactly ZERO female instructors.” Not only that, but I also get to mentor other female STEM professionals in any role I hold. They may also have the immense joy of being able to look up to their engineering dad like I do, but now they also get to see other female professionals paving the way ahead of them.

I like the money. Okay, I can’t even begin to pretend this doesn’t play a part. Engineers make great money and I greatly appreciate the financial security it provides me and my family (alongside that of my partner’s career).

There’s so much support. As it turns out, I do belong! Sometimes we just might have to look a little harder for our people. Thankfully I’ve found so many amazing women (and men) in my field that I can be inspired by and lean on, like these two awesome engineers here and here.

So, what can we do if someone’s on the fence about leaving STEM?

Let’s backtrack and note that in the statistic above, 50% of STEM bachelor’s degrees are earned by women. This is a drastic increase from just a few decades ago! A colleague recently shared a graphic from just 1989 that stated “women join the ranks as well” with regards to Electrical Engineering 🤯 I was definitely alive in 1989, soooo... I’m taking that to mean that efforts to encourage girls toward STEM disciplines are for sure working. But where’s the outreach for women once we are in it?

My friends, say hello to my little (actually, quite big) passion. There’s admittedly no part of me that wants to go to an elementary school to tell 6-year-olds how great STEM is. But put me in a room of STEM professionals and I am on FIRE 🔥 I want to talk to those that are in the thick of it, hear their stories, empathize with them, encourage them, find new ways to tackle the insane-shouldn’t-even-be-a-problem problems. This is where I thrive, and this is why I’m here in your inbox on a Friday morning 👋 Regardless of where a woman is in her STEM pursuit, there are avenues by which they can feel supported and know they belong. Here are the things I’d point a woman in STEM toward if she were contemplating leaving the field.

Student Organizations (college). Find them. Become a part of them. Show up authentically. Learn from others. Band together to become the never-ending future of the workforce. And if they don’t exist wherever you’re at, start them like we did at Georgia Tech.

Professional Organizations (career). Have you heard that it’s brutal making friends as adults? Well, here’s your easy button. Professional orgs are a great place to find women with similar interests and ambitions to yours that will give you the energy to keep going. Bonus: the people you meet here tend to make great coffee and lunch dates when you need a break from the hustle of your workplace.

Podcasts. Find ones that speak to you and leave you feeling encouraged and inspired because friends, you can do the thing. Admittedly, I’m in my audiobook era - specifically fiction books - so I haven’t been binging on pods or anything growth-mindsetty like I used to. BUT when I do, I tend to find those that interview female entrepreneurs to hear of all the inspiring things we can do in any field.

Show up as your badass, multifaceted self. This particular post says it all.

Call the haters OUT. It’s not easy, although I think it does get slightly easier as you progress in your career. When people make remarks that are discriminatory toward women, let them know their comments have no place here (or with a lighter touch: the 1920s want their jokes back) ✌️

What’d I miss?

Any reasons you’ve contemplated leaving STEM? What are your reasons for staying? What would you tell other women that are considering opting out of STEM? Please share below in the comments! Can’t wait to keep this conversation going 💪

YES. WE. CAN.

Many of you know I'm a big fan of therapy for mental wellness. The most beneficial thing I've learned from therapy (so far) is how to challenge negative thought patterns. You can literally rewire your brain by adjusting the thoughts you think.

The scientific term for rewiring your brain is cognitive restructuring (and you can read a lot about it here). The basics: your brain consists of 86 billion neurons which are connected to 1000 to 10000 neurons each via synapses. These synaptic connections can be very strong or very weak and can change over time. When we reinforce a particular pathway (i.e. repeatedly think of or respond to something in a specific way and therefore specific neurons fire in sequence), our synapses become stronger along that pathway and that response becomes our default. This means that if we regularly think about something in a way that is defeating or destructive, our brain defaults to that way of distorted thinking. The good news is that this also means if we shift to considering the facts that counter this negative way of thinking, we can adjust our synaptic weights to choose a new, more positive and factual default response!

Before we really dive in, I want to articulate that this is not positive toxicity. I’m not here to put on rose-colored glasses and be overly positive without any sense of reality. Cognitive restructuring is using evidence to contradict the conclusion we’ve made about ourselves or our environments. Bad things happen, and our brains can settle into faulty thought patterns. In the thick of it, it’s easier for the brain to process destructive and defeating thoughts until we eventually see the world through an entirely defeated lens. However, many good and encouraging things happen too, and we can intentionally take facts from the good experiences to reframe how we view things and rewire our brain so we stop drowning in the bad.

Please also note that I am not a therapist or an expert! I’m sharing my experiences and what has worked for me. If you think this would be a beneficial exercise for something you’re dealing with, speaking with a mental health professional is most definitely the way to go.

Okay, time for some real examples. Let's go!

Scenario One

You're chatting with a male coworker. You both applied to a workshop. You got in, your male coworker did not. Your male coworker then proceeds to tell you that you only got into the workshop because the workshop organizers are trying to increase the number of women in attendance.

From this interaction (and others like it), I could easily conclude that I get accepted into conferences and workshops not because of my technical capabilities and work, but instead because they need to up their numbers of women in these spaces. I could also conclude that I am a “diversity hire” - whatever group I’m working in needs better female representation and so I’m only there based on my gender and not my qualifications or expertise. If I began to believe these things (which would be easy to do), I honestly think I would leave my profession. So why haven’t I??

Solution: I immediately counter these defeating thoughts with a clear memory of my mom reacting to my coworker’s comment about the workshop. I called her immediately after this conversation on my way out the building filled with a mixture of anger and doubt, and then had to quickly ask her to stop raging for 2 minutes because my coworker could very likely hear her yelling about him through the phone 🤣

My mom uninhibitedly had my back, and she wasn’t wrong - that coworker was out of line and incorrect. Some men will make an arrogant assumption about my credentials (because there's obviously no way a man would be turned down over a woman 🙄) BUT the thing that sits louder in my mind these days is the fact that I have more people in my corner that know I’m qualified and will always lift me back up when I start to spiral (thanks Mom!).

Scenario Two (a non-work one if the first doesn’t resonate with you)

You grab coffee with a friend and overshare everything. You get home and think through your chat and come to the conclusion that your friend is mad at you.

Does this seem like a leap? That's because it is! It's also how my brain works. I overanalyze what I said then read into expressions and tone and body language and responses during interactions until I’ve convinced myself that my friend now thinks I'm terrible and doesn't want to hang with me again. The thing about this situation is that there are exactly zero facts to back it up.

Solution: okay, full cred to therapy here. Anytime my brain decides my friend thinks I’m the worst, I recall the fact that every time I’ve thought this in the past, I’ve been wrong. My friend(s) have given me no reason to jump to this conclusion and they still invite me out for another coffee or say yes to my next invitation. Since learning this technique, anytime my brain has started going down that self-defeating path, I’ve reminded myself of the truth and over time, my brain has stopped freaking the eff out quite as often!

So… now what?

We become more aware of our emotional responses - specifically those that negatively impact our moods and make us feel defeated. Then, we decide on a related, positive fact that we can recall every. single. time that crappy response occurs. Each time we do this, we change the synaptic weights that connect our neurons and eventually, whatever it is that triggered a negative response starts triggering the good replacement - I kid you not! Science - it’s wild. Our brains are SO cool, and we have the power to tune in and get intentional with our thoughts to ensure they’re working on our side 🧠

Let me know if you try or have tried cognitive restructuring by leaving a comment below! We can all learn from one another’s experiences, and I cannot wait to hear yours.

You know we all love to receive unsolicited advice, but especially so when it’s somewhat irrelevant and workplace-inappropriate. Krysten is a rockstar chemical engineer doing great things in the world of additive manufacturing. She’s also considering having a child in the near future, which means… cue. all. the. (unsolicited). advice.

Krysten and I haven’t seen each other in seven years, but when we hopped on the call to record this episode, it was like exactly zero time had passed. Trust me when I say you want to hear what this amazing woman has to say! We talk a little bit about grad school, yoga, and the super cool stuff she’s doing as a chemical engineer. And then we rage a lot (read: laugh and eye roll) about how out of line people can get with their advice.

Additional Resources and Thoughts:

The Coffee& post - On being a working mom - that sparked this amazing discussion

If you’re feeling sassy when a male colleague mansplains breastfeeding, you can say something like “Oh, how long did you breastfeed your child?” or “When I’m ready to start breastfeeding, I’ll have to get your recommendation for a good nursing bra.”

If you’re instead trying to set a hard boundary, respond with “I’m not comfortable talking about this topic at work.”

When a colleague tells you (or implies) that you should be a stay-at-home parent once you have a child, gently respond with something like “I am thankful we have the option to be a stay at home parent or to be a working parent. When the time comes, I'm glad I’ll get to choose the one that will best suit my family and my needs.” Optional sass: “just as you did thanks very much ✌️.”

Subscribe now

In this episode, we cover:

(00:00) Hellos

(01:00) How we met

(04:17) Becoming yoga instructors while writing our PhD dissertations - would actually recommend!

(06:13) Choosing the right grad school advisor

(09:26) Krysten’s additive manufacturing career, diverse projects, and forward-facing efforts for the social engineer

(17:00) Business deals on golf courses, pickleball courts, and hopefully someday basketball courts

(19:00) Why Krysten stays in STEM

(21:06) Unsolicited working-parent advice from colleagues prior to becoming a parent

(30:52) Recalling that it’s not all bad with the supportive colleagues we can count on

(33:30) Don’t make any career changes based on having children until the children are here - stay in it!

(34:44) How to respond to unsolicited, inappropriate advice

(37:06) Goodbyes

If something in this podcast episode resonated with you, let’s chat! Like this post and leave a comment to spark additional meaningful conversations. And if you haven’t already, be sure to subscribe for more conversations like this with amazing women doing amazing things in STEM.

Subscribe now

I have a three-year-old child that I adore and cannot get enough of, and I love my job, in spite of the fact that it comes with extremely long hours. I’ve gotten more comfortable showing how much I value my family over my job. And yes, you read that right: I love my family more than my job. That statement in itself is bold and can cause people to make unwanted decisions for my career on my behalf. I’ve seen it happen before and have gone to bat for a female coworker when our boss wanted to remove her as lead on a multi-year project because she expressed an interest in having kids at some point (and for the record, he wanted to make the lead a male colleague with two young kids 🤔). You cannot make this stuff up!

Okay, so back to how I show how much I value my family over my job. I not only make bold statements like the above, but I also openly set hard and fast boundaries that prioritize time with my family during the week and on weekends. I teach undergraduates at a pretty unique institution where they have constant access to their instructors via Microsoft Teams - or maybe that’s a thing now? Def was not a thing when I was in school 👵 That said, I let them know on our first day of classes (and remind them regularly) that (1) I leave the office by 4pm to get home for post-daycare family hangs and I’m not looking at a work-related thing until my child is in bed around 7pm and (2) there’s a solid chance I’ll ghost them on weekends in order to remain present with my family. I also share this sentiment with my colleagues (and of course they see it in my interactions with our students).

I recognize that this boldness may be a benefit of my being fifteen years into my career. But even still, I’ve got to admit it weighs on me - the idea that maybe some colleagues at some point won’t see me as a person that can handle the demands of both the job and family and maybe they’ll start making decisions on my behalf like they did for my female coworker years ago.

I actively try to not let this stop me from outwardly prioritizing time with my child and instead trust that my work alone proves my competence, because good Lord if we do not break this cycle, it’ll just be like this for every generation after us! It’s hard though. It would be so easy to put off getting home and instead do one last thing at work to show my commitment. Or I could stay just a little bit longer so people around me see that I’m putting in the hours. And if I’m honest, I may have done that a bit when I first became a mom and even when I first started this job one year ago… but your girl is DONE.

If I am in a job where my colleagues judge or do not respect the boundaries I’ve set so that I can spend my personal time where I want to, I don’t want that job. I’ve got plenty of options. I’m qualified. I work hard during the hours that I’m there. And I’m only that good because I ensure I get the quality time I need and want with my family. I adore my child (and spouse and puppy) and I will choose my them over my job without hesitation. AND I enjoy working, but only in a place that gets it. If a particular workplace doesn’t, I’ll find one that does. Tell me I can’t be the best mom to my child and also be one of your best engineers - I’ll show you how wrong you are, one boundary at a time.

The stories that Kate and I could tell you! But seriously, we could blow your mind with the ridiculous things that have been said to us as we’ve progressed in our engineering careers that would never be said to our male counterparts. How do we keep going amidst the pushback and derogatory remarks when we are told or made to feel we don’t belong in a STEM field because of our gender?

Well… there are a lot of strategies and there’s no one size fits all approach. But, the one approach that has worked best for us is surrounding ourselves with other women that allow us to show up as our full selves (like each other!). We dive into this, imposter syndrome, talking about diversity with our colleagues, and more.

Subscribe now

In this episode, we cover:

(00:00) Hellos

(01:15) How we met

(06:47) Kate’s occupation

(12:10) Imposter syndrome

(15:05) The impact of support systems

(21:37) “Do you want to know why women don’t make good engineers?”

(24:30) Moving up in our careers and finding fewer women at those higher levels

(25:28) Talking diversity with your colleagues

(32:55) Kate’s words of wisdom to women pursuing STEM and currently working within STEM

(35:24) Goodbyes

If something in this podcast episode resonated with you, let’s chat! Like this post and leave a comment to spark additional meaningful conversations. And if you haven’t already, be sure to subscribe for more conversations like this with amazing women doing amazing things in STEM.

Subscribe now

Saying the past seven months have been intense is most definitely an understatement. Putting the intense workload aside, my first-time teaching at a collegiate level experience has been so good (and living in the mountains hasn’t been so bad either). I work with great people, and it has been such a joy to connect with my students. I have however, learned way more about math than I ever wanted to.

That said, two critical things have been re-awoken:

• My attitude of curiosity. That spirit got lost somewhere between grad school and starting this job and I'm glad to have it back. With that curiosity, I will be diving back into this space to explore thought-provoking topics so that, as always, you leave feeling encouraged and inspired.

• My passion for encouraging women in STEM. I love when women support women, period-dot. As an engineer though, I’ve faced the most ridiculously, unnecessary challenges based on my gender (things we will most def spend some on). That means your girl gets extra excited to champion women pursuing or working within STEM.

With my re-found curiosity and passion, I will still overshare my brains out but will do so on topics that may resonate more deeply with women working within male dominated fields. That said, I want you in this space even if you aren’t a woman in STEM! Topics will range from imposter syndrome to gender bias to work-life choices - a vast range of topics that impact everyone - you’ll just be hearing them from the perspectives of women that just so happen to also be crushing it in STEM fields. It's going to be so fun! 

Did you catch that? Yes! You’ll be hearing from more than just me! I'll be interviewing my badass lady friends doing great things in STEM via a podcast (it’s finally happening!). I am so glad you are here and cannot wait to share all the things with you!

Okay, but why does this newsletter look so different?

ICYMI, I’m sending you this email from a new platform called Substack. If you’re happy getting these emails straight to your inbox, you’ll continue to do so - no action required!

If you want to see (most of) my newsletters in one convenient location, you can visit my Substack here. Bonus: I’ve updated a lot of my old newsletters with pictures that you can’t get anywhere else, so you’ll definitely want to take a look!

Visit Coffee& Substack

If you rarely check your email and you would instead like to gain access to my newsletters in a more 2024 way, get the Substack app.

And last, if you know of someone that might love to get in on these newsletters, you can make my day and share it with them 🥰

Share Coffee& Weekly(ish) Newsletter

Again, could not be more excited to be back and to have you here. Thank you for holding this space for me.

Coffee& has been a 3-year journey and looks a lot different now than when it started. For starters, I'm running things solo. Not only that, but I'm sharing on a new platform with a renewed vision. 

I’ll share about my renewed vision in my first official newsletter sent from this platform soon! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss it 💖

Subscribe now

By subscribing, every new post is sent directly to your email inbox. If you rarely check your email and would love to gain access in a more 2024 way, get the Substack app.

This week was… humbling. Whoever thought it was a good idea to have me teaching advanced math definitely isn’t aware of my inability to do simple math - ESPECIALLY when in front of 20 brilliant students AND leveling it up to advanced. I blame the fact that the first six lectures cover probability and your girl’s brain just does not work in that way. I do not care about the likelihood that a part is defective. I’m simply cranky that it’s defective and I want a new one. Only now I have to care enough to calculate said likelihood. Are you bored yet?? Me too 🤣

In all seriousness though, I am spending HOURS prepping my lectures (see below pic for what every evening looks like after toddler bedtime). Then I get in front of these students, explain one thing, and six hands immediately jump into the air with all of these super smart questions. This wouldn’t be an issue if said questions didn’t end up in my having to make corrections in real time 🤦‍♀️

I am completely okay with not being the smartest in the room and in my classes I humbly make the corrections as we go and genuinely appreciate the student’s engaging with me. But three lectures in and I’m feeling a touch dejected. I’m hoping that it’s just this particular topic that is giving me trouble, but a tiny voice in the back of my head is telling me that I’m not cut out for this. The imposter syndrome is REAL. To combat it, I’m reminding myself that the students are listening which is a huge win annnd I’ll be done with teaching probability next Friday 🙌

Recent binge-listens

Remarkably Bright Creatures. Friends, I loved this book! Several peoples’ challenging stories intertwine in a super interesting way - to include that of an octopus?! YEP. Who knew something like that could make for such a good read/listen. Highly recommend!

You know those moments where you look in the mirror and you see a new wrinkle in a weird spot on your face and think, “how is that wrinkle even possible?” And then you make a few faces to try to recreate the crease and YEP, that’s the one! And she. is. not. cute 👹 No? Just me? Well, that’s how my week started. Apparently, you can get a wrinkle on the bridge of your nose. Getting older is my FAVORITE.

I go through phases of immense self-love for my body and all of its imperfections that show a life well lived. And then I go through phases of immense WTF 🤣 Currently sitting in the latter. But honestly, I get more frustrated with my bad attitude toward my body and wrinkles than the actual imperfections themselves because logically, I know I’m awesome.

Friends, we put in the work. We go through hard things, we laugh our hearts out, we birth and/or raise humans (or we don’t!). It’s okay to get a little critical of ourselves sometimes so long as we come out on the other side recognizing that the things that make us great are most certainly not how ridiculously good looking we are 😉

What’s bringing me joy this week

Little League Softball World Series. Most of you know that I love softball 🥎 Currently, ESPN+ is featuring the World Series tournaments for little leagues and Niceville, FL made it for the Junior age group! And BONUS: our good friends’ daughter is on the team and it is just so freaking fun to watch. Also bringing me joy: her parents putting up with our constant text messages as we freak out during the games (we love you guys!) 😆 Am I crazy for leaving work early on several occasions and bribing my child with {insert anything you can think of} to be chill and watch with me? Maybe… but I have no regrets. And the semi-finals are TODAY with Niceville facing Connecticut, so tune in at 2pm PT!

Have you ever felt lonely when you are very obviously not alone? I'm guessing that if you're hanging with me on (most) Fridays, that the answer is yes - since the whole intent of Coffee& is to share more so we all know we are in this life thing together 👯‍♀️

I’ll start with this: Colorado is amazing. There's so much beauty to explore outdoors and I'm not melting in July 🏔️ I have my spouse, toddler, and puppy here with me and I genuinely love spending time with them. My new colleagues are great and I can tell that I'm going to enjoy this job once classes start. We even just hosted our first visitors and had a great time exploring more of Colorado Springs with them. Yet amidst all of this, I have been feeling homesick and admittedly a bit lonely. 

I obviously miss the beach and scooting and skateboarding on flat land at sea level 😅 but what really hits hard is how much I miss our toddler dancing to the music at our church in FL and the impact our worship leaders had on our kiddo's love for music. I miss meeting up with friends at playgrounds and arcades and food and letting our toddlers run wild together (or watching our adult friends run wild with our toddler 🤣). I miss knowing our neighbors and knowing that when our toddler would walk into their condos like he owned their places, that he felt loved and wanted by others. I miss the ease of spending time with our families. I miss my FL coworkers. I miss our people.

Finding new people as adults is hard and trust me, we are trying! It just takes time to find that right combo of adults and kiddos and interests and schedules. I'm thankful that you're all here virtually and that we can be vulnerable enough to share these things with one another. Thank you for this space and for helping me to know that although I may sometimes feel alone, that I'm not. And ps - neither are you 💞

Recent binge-listens

Young Jane Young. I can’t get this book out of my head and I think it’s because I thought it ended about two chapters too soon. It’s about a sex (read: sexist) scandal and its life-long impact on the then twenty-year-old woman who slept with her congressman boss. Oh and shocker - zero impact to the congressman. YEP. Read it.

Things bringing me joy

My “little fiddle”. I handed off most of my plants to friends in the Destin area before we made the move to CO, but I did sneak a tote bag of plants to our new home. My tiny fiddle plant was looking ROUGH before we even left, but I really felt like she could do it. She now has her first leaves in literally two months and I'm just really proud of her (and quite frankly of myself) for not giving up. Get you some plants - they are a testament to resilience and they just make life better 🌱

How’s everyone feeling this week? I’m definitely in TGIF mode. This was my first week in CO where Jared was traveling for work which meant I was solo parenting the toddler and pup while also attending New Faculty Orientation at my new job. It was an exhausting week and admittedly by 6pm each night, everyone was throwing tantrums 🤣🐶👩‍👦

I’m definitely finding that with this new gig, my energy at night is depleted annnnd the school year hasn’t even started 😐 I’m so excited for this teaching experience, but with full transparency: I’m also wondering what that means for me and Coffee&. I’ve had a YouTube vid documenting our trip across the country in drafts for a month. I’m writing these newsletters at the very last minute (or later). And I have SUCH A FUN IDEA (or two) that I *need* to make happen ASAP but have yet to get started because each time I sit down to do so I cannot even💡

Have you ever wanted to do something so badly but cannot muster the energy to get it going? If so, please share your experience with me 📧 And send all the good vibes and inspo my way because your girl has big dreams and cannot wait to share them with you. I just need like 15 more hours in the day - possibly all to devote to sleep 😆

Recent binge-listens

See You Yesterday. Groundhog’s Day, meet 2023 👋 I admittedly haven’t quite finished this book but I’ve so enjoyed binging it this week. It’s a super light read about two people getting stuck in a time loop on their first day of college. AKA they relive the same day over and over and over again. Given that I have been in New Faculty Orientation this week while listening to a book about new college students - it’s unclear on whether this is a great match or the exact opposite mindset for which I need to be channeling 😂